


Lost and Lonely

by Leloi



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Meld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 19:11:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk has urges that Spock Prime awoke in him.  Spock cannot deal with the pressure.  Will anyone love Kirk?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> First published on K/S Archive September 2011 (Before Into Darkness).

Ambassador Spock smiled at Captain James T. Kirk. “It is a pleasure to see you again, Captain.” 

“The pleasure is mine.” Kirk responded, his blue eyes twinkling. Leading the way from the transporter room with his own Spock in tow, Kirk took them to the guest room that would serve as the Ambassador’s room while on the Enterprise. “How is life back in the new Vulcan Colony?”

“We are doing well. Construction has finished on the cultural centers and now families band together to build new clan homes.” Spock Prime replied.

“I can just imagine… able bodied Vulcan males, sweating under the hot sun to hoist stones…” Kirk mused.

“Captain!” Spock gasped. 

Spock Prime chuckled softly. “Vulcans do not sweat, Jim.”

“They don’t?” Kirk asked, standing before the guest suite. His very demeanor expelled his own brand of sexual magnetism which he aimed quite efficiently at the ambassador. Kirk KNEW he was being cheeky and slightly provocative, that was part of his charm. That demeanor had won many a female to his bed. 

“They only sweat during their blood fever… a time of mating.” The smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye… Spock Prime knew the old Kirk charm when he saw it. Trust this younger Jim to turn it on to a lonely old Vulcan when his own T’hy’la was lost. 

Spock made a sound of protest but the other two didn’t seem to hear him. The sparks between his two companions were more than a little unnerving and he tried to remind them that they were still out in the corridor.

“Really?” Jim smiled. His mind slipped into a memory his meld with Spock Prime had provided on Delta Vega. The memory involved two male bodies slick with sweat thrusting together to completion.

Spock Prime caught the memory from the young captain and blushed slightly before giving his counterpart a glance. “You will learn more about Vulcans as the years go by.”

“I want to learn more.” Kirk pressed as the door slid open to admit them. “I would love to learn more.” His untrained thoughts nearly overwhelmed the ambassador filled with fantasies of being thrown against a bulkhead by a lover with Vulcan ears.

“It is not my place to teach you.” Spock Prime reminded Kirk, looking again to his counterpart.

Spock stared down at the floor, looking more than a little uncomfortable. As a telepath and the counterpart of the ambassador he could sense what was going on in subtext between the two. The time since Delta Vega and the meld had brought out Kirk’s latent telepathic abilities. The human’s untrained mind projected often when Spock least expected it to.

“I AM happy you’re here.” Kirk grinned, reaching out to touch Spock Prime’s arm. “I missed you. Does that sound strange?” The touch sent sparks through both as Spock Prime’s soul sought out the katra of his mate within Kirk.

“We shared a mind meld. A part of me is inside of you.” Spock Prime replied. His hands gently took Kirk’s, caressing softly, comforted by their connection. 

“That sounds… just a little kinky.” Kirk replied, the sensation of Spock’s fingers making him feel relaxed.

Spock stared down at the connection. “Stop…” His voice was soft.

“What? Why?” Kirk looked up at his second in command.

“He is my counterpart.” Spock replied.

“So?” Kirk queried. 

“Forgive me. I have forgotten my place.” Spock Prime sighed, pulling his hands away. 

“Well it’s not like my Spock wants anything to do with me!” Kirk growled in reply.

Spock seemed to snap and glared back at the captain. “Well perhaps I resent being pressured.”

“Well perhaps I’m getting lonely just waiting for you to make a move!” Kirk replied.

“Are you two fighting?” Spock Prime asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What move? You ask for friendship which I give you. I did not know that meant making you my sleeping partner!” Spock replied.

“Then what the hell is T’hy’la?” Kirk asked.

“Who is calling you T’hy’la?” Spock replied.

Kirk looked to Spock Prime for answers.

“Jim… you must understand that in my time your counterpart and I were indeed T’hy’la but that bond is really rare and…”

“So you don’t want me? He doesn’t want me and you don’t want me?” Kirk took steps back towards the door. 

“Jim…” Spock Prime took a step forward, his hands out in a placating manner. “Please calm down and let us discuss this.”

“What’s to discuss? I’m not wanted! I’m NOTHING to either of you!” Tears sprung to the captain’s eyes and he hit the door panel, escaping out into the hallway.

Spock sighed and sat down, clearly overwhelmed. “He is difficult and frustrating.”

“He is young.”

Spock shook his head. “His meld with you put thoughts in his head. He has been… projecting his thoughts at me. I cannot control them.” 

“I am sorry my meld with him created this problem.” Spock sat across from his other self, feeling more comfortable standing but the younger seemed too vulnerable. “Has it been the images I saw?”

“That and more…” Spock replied, looking up at his older self. “I find him in my bed.”

“I do not understand.” Spock Prime replied.

“He has appetites. I have heard stories of his female conquests before he became captain. Since he was been promoted he stopped… he has not had a physical outlet. On average of 2.5 nights a week I find him waiting for me in my bed when I return to my quarters. I cannot help but think that his meld with you caused this. How did you handle such a thing?”

Spock Prime had sat back while listening to his younger counterpart, an eyebrow quirked in surprise. “Fascinating…”

Spock gave him a look that to outside appearances would be patient interest, but internally screamed, “Respond!”

“Jim’s counterpart and I did not mate until we were much older. When we were your age he still conquered women. I can infer from your recent altercation that he has been unsuccessful in his efforts to bed you?”

“This is serious!” Spock stood up.

“I never implied it was not.” Spock Prime replied, standing. They stared at each other for a long moment. “This Jim’s mind is somewhat fragile. He has lost everyone that was ever important to my Jim. Charming and cocky as mine is and yet… vulnerable. He needs someone who will not leave him. He needs to be loved. His mind reaches out for us because he knows from our meld that we are capable of giving him that love.”

Spock shut his eyes and sat down again, burying his face in his hands. 

“He is worthy of our love.”

“I know…” Spock replied in a small voice.

“It is normal to be somewhat concerned about having a physical relationship with another male. But I assure you his body will...”

“That is not my concern.” Spock stated quickly, blushing.

“If you are concerned about Pon Farr…”

Spock’s eyes flashed on his counterpart, full of embarrassment.

“There is no need to worry.” Spock Prime smiled a moment in fondness. “Unfortunately my Jim and I did not get to share very many of them together. We bonded late and he…”

Spock stared at his older self, eyebrow raised.

“He died, Spock. I lost him and spent many decades alone.”

“Then why…” Spock began.

“Because the years we had even before we mated and the few after… they were worth it.”

^.~

It was late. The halls of the Enterprise were dimmed with artificial night. A figure in black made its way to the guest quarters and rang the chime.

“Come.” Spock Prime called, sitting up on the couch from where he had been reading.

The door slid open revealing James Kirk. “Just checking up on you… Ambassador.”

“I am well.” Spock Prime replied, amusement on his lips. “Something is on your mind, Jim?”

Kirk casually strolled into the room and sat before the elder version of his first officer. “I suppose… yes. You would know.”

“Know what, Jim?”

“Do you miss my counterpart?”

“Of course I do. He is a part of me.” Spock Prime replied, frowning a moment. “Why do you wish to know?”

Kirk sat down next to Spock Prime, looking intently into his eyes.

“Jim…”

“I’m afraid I will never know anything like that.”

“You must be patient, Jim. Friendship and trust…”

Kirk waved off the words. “Yes, yes I know all that!”

“It is illogical to…”

“Was your captain faithful to you when you first met?”

Spock Prime opened his mouth, too stunned to speak. 

“I saw in the meld we had… you watched him from afar as he went from bed to bed.”

“We were not together until later.” Spock Prime replied.

“I haven’t slept with anyone… not since you showed me…”

“That is almost against your nature, Jim.”

“I KNOW! Do you know how HARD it is? I mean… to stay celibate not… well that too.”

“Your celibacy is commendable.” Spock Prime gave a flicker of a smile.

“He doesn’t want me.”

Spock Prime sighed and raised an eyebrow. “You must give it time, Jim.”

“But I don’t want to! I want to take hold of him and… and scream at him!” Kirk reached out and grabbed the elder Vulcan’s shoulders. “I want to say, ‘take me now you idiot!’” Kirk cried, blue eyes flashing. “I want to… want to…” At a loss for words Kirk leaned forward and pressed his lips to the ambassador’s. 

Spock Prime melted for a moment, his old heart full of nostalgia before he regained control of his senses and gently tried to push the captain away. “Jim… stop…” His lips finally managed as they broke contact.

Kirk redirected his kisses to the Vulcan’s earlobe, nibbling warmly. “Don’t you want me?”

“Of course I do… but I cannot.”

“You can.”

“Jim… I am bonded.”

“To me.” Kirk replied, easing himself against Spock Prime’s body, his lips returning to the Vulcan’s.

“To your counterpart. You belong with someone else.”

“He doesn’t WANT me.” Kirk pleaded, reaching down to palm Spock Prime’s crotch. “You do!”

The elder alien sighed, eyes shut tight as he remembered the last time he had shared his body with his bondmate many years before. Delicately his fingers moved to Jim’s neck and pinched. Jim slumped over in his arms and the Vulcan held him for a long moment, taking in his aroused scent and the warmth of his human body. “Ambassador Spock to Commander Spock.”

“Spock here.”

“Please come to my quarters.”

“Affirmative.”

^.~

Kirk woke, lying on the bed in the guest quarters. “Spock?”

The first officer came into view. “I am here.”

Kirk dug the palms of his hands into his eyes. “Not you.”

“I thought the ambassador would be far more comfortable in my own quarters for now.”

Hastily Kirk wiped at his face with the back of his hand and rolled over on his side, facing away from the younger Vulcan.

“I am aware of what transpired between you two.” Spock intoned.

“How I tried to seduce him?”

“He is bonded.”

Kirk bit his lip. Was there anything private between himself and the ambassador? 

“Captain…”

Kirk flinched and curled up tighter.

“Jim…” Spock amended, gently laying a hand on Kirk’s shoulder. “You need sexual release. Your counterpart found female companionship to be very—“

“I don’t WANT female companionship.” Kirk replied.

“Very well… male companionship can be found to—“

“I don’t want just any male.”

Spock blinked a few times to cover his confusion. “I… do not understand.”

“I want Spock! Vulcan Spock! Son of Sarek and Amanda… Spock!” Kirk replied, drawing his arms into his chest.

“I am male.” Spock stated quietly.

“I know you are. You were trying to say you would find me an alternative to you and I don’t want one. You can’t pacify me.” 

“We do not even know if what our counterparts had is the same as what we will have…” Spock stated quietly. “They were T’hy’la… that is a rare bond.”

Kirk rolled over suddenly, sitting up. “But I feel it with him! Don’t you understand? I feel drawn in… like I’m a part of him… of you! All that’s left is an aching emptiness when… when it’s denied. I want to feel it again, Spock. Please…” Leaning in, Kirk caught Spock’s face in his hands and pressed his lips to the Vulcan’s. 

It wasn’t too different from the kiss Kirk had shared with the elder except… except there was less sadness. The sensation that flooded the human was light and soft like a teasing tickle and fluttering at the back of his mind. Slowly he became aware that he was flat on his back and Spock was pressed over him, hungrily kissing his mouth, the Vulcan’s fingers tracing intricate patterns against his own. 

Spock stopped as if suddenly coming back to himself. Panting heavily, his body pulled away to crouch over the captain.

“What was that?” Kirk breathed, touching his lips, still feeling the fluttering tickle in his brain. 

“If you do not wish to copulate you must get up now.” Spock gasped, struggling to keep control of himself.

“What if I wish to… as you say… copulate?” Kirk asked, smiling faintly.

“Never taunt a Vulcan once you awaken his primal needs.” Spock bit back.

“This is primal Vulcan?” Kirk mused.

“You do not know what you offer when you throw yourself at me and beg me into your bed. This kind of sex is never casual.”

“What kind of sex is that?” Kirk whispered, reaching up to touch Spock’s face with his fingertips.

“You demand to be T’hy’la!” 

Kirk’s eyes opened wide. Of course he had wished it and asked about it. But Spock had always been so annoyed about it. “You would consider it… with me?”

“The bond is already there!” Spock replied. “I do not wish to fall into it so soon. We barely know each other! Already you want to be lovers when we are not yet brothers in katra! But you beg me for it… you beg me to go all the way into the bond without fully exploring our compatibility. I am not ready.”

“What do you mean?” Concerned, Kirk sat up, pushing Spock back on his haunches.

“I have lost my home, my mother… my mate. I lost the only female who ever wanted me.”

“Hey now… you can’t blame me for your breaking up with Uhura!”

Spock let out a harsh breath of air of displeasure. “I can… if you had refrained from throwing yourself at me... then, perhaps—“

“Spock!” Kirk rested his hands on Spock’s shoulders, resting his forehead against the Vulcan’s. “I’m sorry. For everything you lost I’m sorry. If you really want Uhura back… I… I won’t stand in your way.” Fingers trembled as he pulled away from the Vulcan. “I… understand if you can’t… love me or want me. You would be better off with a woman since your… planet and all that.” Hastily Kirk pulled away and got up from the bed, his hands in fists at his side. “If that’s what you want… for me to find someone else… then I’ll try and you can go back to… to her.” Kirk retreated before Spock could reply, his heart unable to take any more rejection.

^.~

Three more ambassadors were brought on board the Enterprise. All were on their way to Earth for something Kirk didn’t really care to understand. The mission was nearing its end and all four would be off the ship and he wouldn’t have to think about how rejected he felt by not one but TWO Spocks. It was the evening before they would reach Earth and a party had been planned. Really Kirk didn’t want to attend but his duties required that he attend. Besides one of the aliens, Ambassador Xiantin had been more than a little interested in him for the past couple of days.

“Bonobos.” Uhura stated.

“What?” Kirk replied, confused.

“The Xi culture is much like the bonobo culture of Terran primates. Sex is used very casually and used to diffuse tension. Genital rubbing is practiced with disregard to gender.”

“So… they are like… horny monkeys?”

“Apes, Captain. They are the closest primate cousins to humans. Pleasure is very important to their culture. You will enjoy them.”

Kirk made a face. “Because I’m a Galactic Slut, right?”

Uhura cast him a look that was hard to read. “I just thought it prudent to warn you that the Xian Ambassador might have interest in you.”

“Thanks…” Kirk replied, taking a sip of his drink and glancing back across the room at both Spocks who stood near each other. Up until a few minutes before Uhura had been with them but when the Xian had wandered by with a smirk she had helpfully informed the captain about Xian culture. “You and Spock look good together…” Kirk mumbled, taking another sip.

“The Xian may have slipped something into your drink before he gave it to you. Ambassador Spock told me to warn you…”

“Fuck Ambassador Spock!” Kirk ejected, giving a hard glare at the elder Vulcan.

“Captain!”

“I’m not feeling well. I’m going back to my quarters.” Kirk set his drink down and wobbled out the door. 

Uhura watched the captain leave, casting a wary eye at the Xian ambassador as she returned to the Vulcans. “I warned him… I don’t think he cares but I did warn him.”

“He is angry with us.” Spock Prime replied. 

^.~

Kirk leaned heavily against the table in the arboretum, trying desperately not to make a sound as the Xian tried so vainly to bring him pleasure. A part of Kirk couldn’t understand why he had even denied himself sex for so long to begin with. That was the side that shamelessly plunged into the alien’s mouth. The other half argued that short term pleasure would bring long term pain. But at the moment with the intoxicants he was under he didn’t rightly care about that half of him. His body wanted what it wanted… for far too long it had been denied even the most basic of pleasure, trying to keep control over his desires for his first officer. 

The alien hummed a moment and then pulled back, earning a small whimper of regret from Kirk. “What is ‘mate’?” 

“What? What are you talking about?” Kirk replied, trying to resume their previous activity.

“Xian have some telepathic abilities that help us assess the needs of our partners. Your mind is repeating that you need your mate. So I wonder what is a mate?’

“Mate is a partner… for life. My species is mostly monogamous.”

“That is something Xian is not.” The Xian stared up at the captain thoughtfully. “Who is your mate?”

“No one! I’m not married.” Kirk replied quickly. “I’m single… I’m… unwanted.”

“This Xian finds that hard to believe… the noises of pleasure you make… you are not a youngling nor are you an outcast of your partner circles.”

It took a moment for Kirk to translate the observation in his mind. “No… you are right… I have had many partners who have wanted me before. I just… the one I want does not want me.”

“Why is that?” The Xian resumed his previous activity of laving Kirk’s organ from root to tip.

“Gods, I wish I knew…” Kirk replied. “He says I want too much from him too soon... that he barely knows me.” Arching back, Kirk’s breaths came in quick gasps. His body was close… so very close. At that moment the door hissed open but Kirk ignored it, too intent on the mouth that was giving him pleasure for the first time in almost a year. The mouth moved away and he cried out in frustration, opening his eyes. A familiar elder Vulcan stared back at him with something akin to anger in his dark eyes. That was silly, of course. Vulcans didn’t show anger. 

“Get out!” Ambassador Spock commanded the Xian, his voice low and gravely that again seemed to hint at anger. 

The Xian stared back at the captain as if waiting for his input at that moment the door opened again and the first officer along with Uhura came in. The Xian finally took the hint and left.

Kirk closed his eyes, dug the heals of his hands into his eye sockets as he stood there, his trousers around his knees with the hardest erection he had ever had, on display to all. Really it was a lot like some of the nightmares he had of showing up to his commendation in only a small cotton tee shirt and a smile. It was no less humiliating with only two Spocks and one Uhura to witness his moment of shame. With a small cry he turned away from his audience, seeking the other side of the table to cover himself.

“What were you thinking?!” Uhura demanded intent on her prey. “I told you he was out to get you and you just let him?”

“He made a very persuasive argument!” Kirk replied.

“And what was that?!” Uhura moved around the table to face the captain, her hands on her hips.

“He… wanted me.” Kirk replied, his hands closing his trousers over his softening sex. “You don’t know what it’s like not to be wanted… not to be needed. I haven’t been needed my whole life!” With his uniform back in order Kirk seemed to regain some of his power. “Good night Lieutenant, Commander… Ambassador.” Overly formal and a bit acidic, he deliberately made his way for the door of the arboretum.

“Yeah… well you’re not going to find it in a one night stand with someone you just met!” Uhura replied back.

Kirk bit back his response and instead cast a hard look of hatred at the three that stood there, judging him. All three had pushed him away. What did they care? Burying his pain he turned and walked away, back to his own quarters. Only when he was safely inside did he allow the self pity to wash over him. 

The door chimed.

Kirk was too miserable to answer. 

The door chimed again.

Wiping his face, Kirk stood and answered the door, finding Ambassador Spock standing before him. “I am sorry.” The elder Vulcan stated. “May I come in?”

Mutely Kirk nodded and stepped aside to let the other in.

“It is because of the meld that you are in such pain. It awoke in you something neither of you were ready for. I regret the pain I have caused.”

Kirk sat at his desk, too emotionally drained to stand for much longer.

“Your other self… my Jim spent many of his younger years going from bed to bed. I watched him from afar. And when I thought it hopeless that we would ever be together I entered into Kahlinar. But I could not purge him from my mind. Our connection was already too strong. I returned to his side and we finally bonded.”

“You’re happily married…”

“I lost him. He was about to retire for good… just one more moment of glory as an old Admiral sending off the young ones. There was an accident aboard his flight and…”

“But you loved him.”

“He is a part of me… and he always will be.” 

“And I’m not him.” Kirk sighed hopelessly. “He sounds like a great man… a man worthy of your love. But I can never hope to be… to even have a grain of what he had. There is a difference, Ambassador… he had your devotion from the beginning. He may not have known it was there… but I know. I saw it when we melded.”

“Circumstances were different from when you two met…” Elder Spock began. 

“I am broken.” Kirk replied, reaching out for the other’s hand. 

The Vulcan allowed his hand to be taken and gently caressed the fingers in soft Vulcan kisses. “Jim… I will always be here for you. No matter what reality we exist in I am your friend.”

“Thank you.” Kirk breathed, offering a small smile. “And I’m sorry you had to see me like that with the Xian Ambassador…”

The Vulcan chuckled in amusement. It seemed eye color wasn’t the only difference between the two James Kirks. This universe’s Kirk was very well endowed, indeed. The Vulcan acknowledged a moment of jealousy for his younger counterpart.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing important.” 

Kirk suddenly blushed, his mind focusing on what his connection to the elder Spock told him. “Am I too small? Is that why he doesn’t want me?”

“That is not what he… please refrain from thinking about it. Your size is more than adequate.”

“Are you sure? Some guys get turned off by that sort of thing…”

“Trust me, that is not the issue.”

“Was the other Kirk bigger than me?”

“Let us discuss something else.”

“Did he fit inside of you?”

“Jim!” Elder Spock growled. 

Kirk held his gaze a moment and then blushed, looking down at his hands. “Will he fit inside of me?”

The Vulcan knelt down and gently grasped the young captain’s shoulders. “Yes. Your T’hy’la’s body is meant to fit together with yours.”

Kirk stared at him sullenly. “I have no T’hy’la.” Hastily he stood and turned away. “I have no one. I’m probably destined to hook up with some desperate nympho on some distant outpost that I’ve never even heard of.”

“You are not.”

“How do YOU know?!” Kirk turned on him, his hands in fists. The door chimed. Kirk looked to it. “Probably Uhura coming to chew me out… Come.”

The door opened to reveal the younger Spock. Spock glanced around the room. “Have I come at a bad time?”

“I was just about to leave.” The elder replied and got up from the floor, heading for the door.

Kirk watched the other go and the door shut behind him before he leaned back against the bulkhead. “So you’ve come to give me a lecture too?”

“I am very disappointed in you.”

“You don’t say…” Kirk replied, pushing off the bulkhead to stumble across the room, heading for the chair.

“You were warned the Xian would take advantage of you in your inebriated state and yet you still allowed him to…”

“Suck me off?” Kirk supplied helpfully. 

“…to put you in a compromising position. You are the captain. Anyone could have walked in and found you. Your reputation… the reputation of this ship and its crew would have been in jeopardy. He could have violated you and forced you to do things you did not want to do.”

“Isn’t that just a little paranoid?” Kirk asked quietly.

“Listen to me! It is my duty to protect you and yet you do this… without informing anyone of your location. If there had been an emergency…”

“Oh god, please stop!” Kirk whined, rubbing his temples. “I get it… I did something irresponsible. Next time I’ll do it in my quarters with the video feed on so you can watch my every move. Happy?”

Spock made a face, his eyes showing the intense disapproval.

“What’s wrong now? I thought you wanted me to throw myself at other people.”

“You want me.”

Stunned, Kirk blinked at him a few times. “Uh… yeah. But you don’t want me, remember?”

“I never said that. I said I was not ready.” 

“You said you regretted breaking up with Uhura. Go… be with her! I’m not so selfish as to keep you from your happily ever after.”

“I cannot be with her.”

“Well why the hell not? I’m not standing in your way.”

“You are in between us. My body desires yours.”

“You’re joking… right?”

“Vulcans do not joke. I am drawn to your mind and your body. I told you before… we are already connected. It is just a matter of physical intimacy that solidifies that bond.”

“What about Uhura?”

“That bond did not form. I thought, perhaps it would form after T’Pring died on Vulcan but it never formed with Nyota… it formed with you.”

“Wait… who is T’Pring?” Kirk gaped at Spock.

“My betrothed. T’Pring did not approve of my career in Star Fleet. She planned to divorce me during my Pon Farr. But that is still a few years away. She died on Vulcan and our bond severed. I thought it would form with Nyota but it formed with you instead.”

“You’re married?” Kirk continued to gape, his mind reeling with Spock’s words about T’Pring.

“Yes. Vulcans function better in bonded pairs. We are paired up in childhood.”

Kirk looked away. “I didn’t know you were married…”

“I would not have come up until my Pon Farr. Then I would have been divorced and re-bonded.”

“Now what happens at your Pon Farr… since she passed away?”

Spock stared at the captain for a long, silent time. “You have not been listening to me.”

“I have.” Kirk replied. “You said you were married but she died.”

“The bond I have with you serves as a potential marriage bond. If we are intimate it will solidify into a stronger bond and when I go through Pon Farr it will become permanent.”

“So you’ll be forced to marry me… just because your body says so.”

“That is the way my culture does things.”

“Is this my fault? …because I threw myself at you?”

“No. If I am to believe my counterpart it is a universal constant.”

“Damn universe…” Kirk muttered, looking away.

“Indeed.” 

Kirk gave a deep sigh and bowed his head. “I’m screwed.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Screwed, Captain?”

“In deep shit? Given the short end of the stick?”

Spock continued to regard his captain, showing no sign of recognition of the phrases.

“Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.”

The Vulcan blinked.

“Stuck with someone who doesn’t want me?”

“Whom are you stuck with?”

“You don’t want me but your biology needs me… just because destiny says so.” Kirk shook his head. “What will your Pon Farr be like? I’ll be marrying someone who doesn’t even love me. You’ll only touch me because you have to. I can’t… live like that. At least with one night stands… I can pretend that I’m loved.” 

Spock stood, staring at the distressed captain. “T’hy’la…”

Kirk’s eyes focused on Spock, anger and sadness in them as they glared. “No! I am not your T’hy’la! You don’t really want me!”

A soft growl escaped the Vulcan as he reached down to pull Kirk up by the armpits. “T’hy’la.”

“No! I won’t be yours because you’re desperate for a mate!” Looking away, Kirk fought to control his emotions. “You don’t want me!” Kirk found himself thrown down on the bed, his breath pushed out of him.

Spock glared at the human a moment, something sparked in his normally dark eyes. “You let another touch you… to take what is mine.”

“I am not yours!” Kirk gasped out, regaining function of his arms and legs to try and pull himself off the bed and away from Spock. “I don’t belong to anyone! I am alone!”

“You are mine.” Spock replied, his fingers catching Kirk’s trousers to pull them down around ankles, caught on boots.

“Spock!” Kirk cried out, staring up at the wild creature upon him. 

“You will take back your words. I am not immune to them. You have challenged my claim on you.” 

“Good! It’s not like you’ll actually fall in love with me!” Kirk replied defiantly. “Perhaps you’re not even capable.”

Spock’s eyes smoldered with intensity. “You will not take this away from me. I will not let you.”

“Make me!” Childish words. Kirk was ill prepared for a Vulcan to bend down and take him into his cooler mouth. Desperately Kirk clung to the head that bobbed before him, feeling his organ swallowed deep within a controlled throat. A high keening cry filled the room as Kirk fought to maintain control over his body. 

Satisfied that Kirk was willing to submit, Spock pulled away. “You are mine, T’hy’la.”

“You don’t love me.” Kirk whimpered, sitting down on the bed. “I need…” Hands reached out, trying to express what it was the human actually needed.

Spock pulled himself up onto the bed between a pair of knees, efficiently pinning Kirk down below him. His lips found their goal as his fingers tangled with his T’hy’la’s. Kirk’s body radiated lust and Spock allowed the sensations to wash over him… allowing his body to share in the passion if only to prove his own desires. 

“Fuck me.” Kirk whispered against the cooler lips. 

The Vulcan complied, opening his trousers to allow his sex freedom. Already rigid and lubricated with need, Spock didn’t hesitate to push himself deep within his other half. Eyes rolled back in his head he began a steady, deep rhythm. The intensity of Kirk’s heat spurred him on to quicken his pace as a hand reached up to touch his T’hy’la’s meld points. 

It was like an opening of floodgates as two lives escaped and crashed into each other, mingling their experiences together. So much loneliness washed over them. Two lives spent alone… not understood by their peers… desperate for their other half.

Spock allowed Kirk to experience his own longing for a mate that actually understood him and needed him. No pure Vulcan female who made little effort to hide her contempt for him. 

Kirk showed Spock his childhood as a living ghost of his father… resented for his existence and with impossible expectations thrust upon him. So much wasted potential… with no regard to his own gifts. His dick passed around to claim a piece of someone famous.

The two half lives came together and the orgasm between them was quick and intense. 

Kirk panted for breath, feeling tears drip down his cheeks. 

Spock came back to himself and looked down at the human below him. Realizing his weight would crush his captain he moved to pull off.

“Don’t!” Kirk cried out, wrapping his arms around Spock’s back and holding him tightly. “Just stay like this a little while longer. Let me pretend, please?”

“T’hy’la…” Spock breathed, rolling them over but allowing Kirk to cuddle against him. 

“Why do you call me that? You said you didn’t think we were… that it was rare. Are you messing with me?”

“I am not ‘messing’ with you.” Spock replied. 

“Is this a one time thing? A one night stand?”

Spock raised an eyebrow, staring into Kirk’s eyes. “Vulcans do not have casual intercourse. And I would hope you would refrain from engaging in any more sexual activity with anyone who is not myself.”

“So… that means we will have more?”

“As much as you desire.” A small smile played on Spock’s lips as he leaned in to kiss Kirk’s mouth. “My insatiable… Galactic… Slut.”

With a gleam in his eye Kirk rolled Spock over onto his back and let him know just how insatiable he really was.

^.~

“I’m sorry about what I said… at the reception last night.” Kirk smiled and reached out to take Spock Prime’s hand. 

“You are always forgiven, my friend.” The elder Vulcan stated with affection in his dark eyes. His hand met Kirk’s and they shared a Vulcan kiss. 

“Thank you for… for helping.” 

“You are most welcome, T’hy’la.” Spock Prime hinted at a smile. 

“If you need anything… just let me know. I’m available for personal transportation and for Pon Farr blood fevers.”

“Captain!” The younger Vulcan snapped. “We do not speak of that in public.”

Kirk looked around the transporter room. The other ambassadors had gone on ahead. Only both Spocks and himself were present. Younger Spock had volunteered to work the transport controls. “No one is here.”

“Your offer is greatly appreciated, T’hy’la.” Spock leaned forward and brushed his lips to Kirk’s. “Be safe, Ashayam.” And with that the elder stepped back onto the platform. “Live long and prosper.”

Both Kirk and his new bondmate made the appropriate hand salute. “Live long and prosper.” Kirk replied back.

There was a glimmer and then the transport pad was empty. Kirk’s eyes still lingered on where the other Vulcan had been.

Spock returned to his bondmate’s side. “Ashayam in standard means something like ‘beloved.’” 

“I know.” Kirk replied simply. 

“How do you know?”

“Our meld told me.” Kirk answered as he turned to regard Spock. “He will need me… you know that, right? For his Pon Farr…”

Spock nodded. “That is logical. I find it reassuring that you still find me appealing in my old age.”

“Are you kidding? You’re hot!” Kirk grinned. “Those old, soft hands on my back… that deep, guttural voice that whispers my name as if it’s a prayer… I could just melt!”

For a moment Spock stared back, one eyebrow raised, unsure how to react to such a statement.

Kirk playfully punched Spock on the arm. “Don’t worry… I also find young, muscular Spock to be just as sexy.” Casually the captain began to stroll out of the transporter room. “Coming?”

Spock sighed and turned on one foot to follow his bondmate out of the room. “Coming, Ashayam.” 

\--Fin

**Author's Note:**

> I have several Spock/Kirk fics that currently live on K/S Archive I plan to bring over. The problem is that my old computer's HD crashed and not all the DOC files I rescued onto my portable HD seem to be complete. One of them only had half the DOC file which made me think I hadn't finished it or needed to redo it! (Until I found the full version on K/S Archive... tells you how long it's been since I logged on there) But now that I remembered to check there I can search my DOCs to find the completed stories that should be uploaded here. In other words... a small flood is coming.


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